I have flaws. As all do. One of my flaws is that I can be kind of an anxious or nervous person. I usually try not to let people see me anxious and I have several ways of dealing with it. Reading, art, writing, music, wondering around the house, daydreaming, fixing whatever’s wrong in my head. I tend to wonder a lot, especially when I’m at mom and dad’s. A lot has been going on and lately I find that I’m really restless and wondering a lot. The main thing I worry about is now out of my hands and as much as I hate that, I find it necessary. I can’t control everything.
Along those lines, tonight I was checking Facebook and one of the girls I’ve known since the third grade has 2 kids and she was talking about the father(s) and it ended with a hashtag that said Fear is for the Faithless. It’s one of those things that I think I’ve known my whole life but never really mentally recognized. I grew up in church and with stories like Noah and Thomas and Paul and all these people that stepped out into the unknown. The one thing that they all shared was that they had faith, they may have faltered and momentarily doubted and no doubt they had times they were scared or anxious but they all had faith enough to obey and listen. I’ve repeating that to myself all night while I’ve been wondering, faith is for the faithless. I know I have the faith for whatever happens next.
Then I started thinking about who I really am. I recently finished a book called Thr3e by Ted Dekker. There are three characters with definite personalities. There’s the almost overly innocent man with a rough past, his best friend who’s a very confident and smart girl and then there’s the lunatic. At the end of the book you realize how they’re all really connected and I started thinking about that and I tried to figure out which one I really identify with. Granted none of them have the anxiety or nervousness like I do but (and this might get a little “Breakfast Club” or anti that movie here) that I have been a specific person my whole life but I have a little bit of everything in me, qualifying me to be the person who can be brave enough to step out into the unknown like those in the Bible and be someone that will be talked about for generations to come. Not that being immortal in written form is what I’m looking for.
This isn’t necessarily a post that I had planned on writing. But since I was anxious and wondering wasn’t working for me and my hands were hurting from knitting, I decided to write what was in my head. I’m sure that with whatever happens with what I’m anxious about will be blogged about in some way, shape or form. We’ll see where my unknown takes me and see if I have enough faith to not be fearful. (something I’m always looking to do)