Monthly Archives: April 2014

I’m Having Issues.

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This post will cover several subjects that may or may not be related to each other. Just so you’re warned.

So remember that post of recent past that I talked about the conversation between me, friend-ish acquaintance J and my old Sunday school teach had about divorce? Remember that. If not, go and find it. So yesterday, I’m sitting before church and dad didn’t go cause he hurt and mom was playing prelude for church so I was sitting alone. J came over and started talking to me. Whatever, we’re friend-ish acquaintances. I’m not even sure how to describe our relationship. We can get along just fine but he has these creepy moments that make me hold him at arms length. He doesn’t intend to be creepy. It just happens.

So we’re talking and somehow we get to the point of him saying, “You’ll probably come back from overseas with a guy.” Now I’ve been getting a lot of this. It makes me shake my head because I’m not going to go overseas to find a guy. It’s not my intention. It’s a mission and I’m going to do that and teach and concentrate on me and God. That’s it. Anyway, I mentioned that I had just had a dream about that. J is kind of a loud and energetic kind of person so he starts talking about it and it’s kind of embarrassing to the girl who is pretty private in real life. So I told him that it was pretty much me sitting on a bench (which is weird because I’m not really a bench sitting kind of girl.) an this guy comes up and says “hey we’re getting married.” and I was like “whoa, back up here, partner.” J goes well what does this guy look like? Well, I go, from other dreams I’ve had, he’s tall and dark haired to which J replies, I’m dark haired and tall. Let’s examine this here. J is probably 6 feet tall. That’s only 3 inches tall than me. I grew up with a 6 foot 3 dad and 6 foot 4 brother and cousins, on my dad’s side, over 6 feet too. When I say tall, I mean tall. Like, well over 6 feet. And if J and I were together, one of us would not make it out alive, most likely him. And then I mentioned that in another dream I called him Mike. (also, I called him moon doggie but I think it was because I was thinking about the Gidget movies before bed) Then he goes, I need to change my name. Whatever, J, Whatever. So he drops it and leaves and one of the ladies at the back asks him if we’re dating, he starts laughing and tells me. I say, “No, we need to put the kibosh on that rumor because that will never happen.” And after church he mentions that he’s tall again to me. Oh, yeah, did I mention J has a girlfriend? Yeah, he has a girlfriend. I know he’s naturally a flirtatious guy, but let it go. So I do have an issue with this guy. I’m not interested in him. Even if he didn’t have a girlfriend I wouldn’t be interested in him. I’m serious about not being interested but he’s still flirty and it bugs me. See, issue.

So MJ and I have been writing this story back and forth and it’s been a super great stress reliever for the both of us. I check my email way more than a person should because of this story. This story has taken over our lives, we email and text about this story, we do talk about other stuff but it always comes back to this story. The story centers around these 2 girls, Jane and Effie. Today we were discussing how much we are these 2 girls. It’s ridiculous. I’m not going to talk about Effie/MJ but Jane and I are eerily similar. We’re a little bit level headed, we know how to calm down our counterparts, we worry, we stress, we’re jeans and tee shirts girls, we love our literature. (because I still love literature even though I’ve sucking on the reading front lately.) The one difference I see between Jane and me is that Jane knows when to talk about when she’s worried and let’s Brad, her love interest, calm her down. I on the other hand tend to internalize it and shut people out for a while until I get it worked out in my head. This is not how it’s supposed to be. I should talk things out. I should use my words. Which is ironic, because I have a blog and there’s at least one, but I know more of one, post that I rant about the importance of words. Really, self? What’s with you? See another issue. Plus, like I said, Jane has Brad. I don’t have a Brad. The way we’ve written him, he’s almost the perfect guy for me. Just like Effie and Steve needs to be MJ and Steve. I’m pretty sure. I’ve decided. And I’m winning the marriage bet. That’s not an issue. (but I do have speech ready just in case I lose.)

By the way, story’s going great.

I’m reading Winter’s Tale by Mark Helprin. It was a large book and the back of the book made it seem interesting so I picked it up last week at Barnes and Noble. I just can’t seem to get through anything anymore. I blame moving home for that. See another issue. Issues all around. It really is.

I find myself more and more discontent where I’m at and more and more ready to be gone. It’s not that I don’t love hanging out with my parents and stuff, just ready to be starting my life again and not working at the nursing home. I’m more of a solo worker than a team worker. The other night I was working and one of the other CNA’s was like “Are you okay? are you pissed? are you mad at me?” No, that’s my face. Leave me alone. ugh, another issue.

Rant and Life

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I would like to announce I have 19 days at the nursing home to work before I go to training, if I don’t pick anything up or if I’m not called in. If you couldn’t tell, I’m excited to leave the nursing home. It’s not a bad job, just not a job that suits me. Even my friend-ish/acquaintance J said that the other day about me and being a CNA. It doesn’t suit me. Give me a book or a movie or something where I can just do what I want, when I want and I’ll get it done. None of this calling me and expecting me to work 7 days in a row and the catty attitudes, the no shows, the poopy butts, the everything. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate this job and the hours I get. I just am not made for it. I’m a thinker. Not a behind wiper. I’m over it, if that wasn’t obvious. Tonight was bad. Usually I can somewhat keep a good attitude but tonight I was secretly rageful. I told one of the other CNA’s my rage and she gets it. At least someone does.

I went to Bismarck yesterday. I needed to get my oil changed and get some things done. It was nice to get away and not worry about being with people or dealing with them either. I went shopping, that was almost fun. (I’m not a big shopper and I ended up text shopping with my sister and MJ.)I also went to one of the college’s, my alma matter, concert which had some of their ensembles. I like going to these concerts because this was the college I participated in music at. So the brass ensemble comes out and it’s 2 trombones, a French horn and a tuba and the tuba player was very attractive. I think it was because he had his sleeves rolled up and facial hair. Because we all know I’m a sucker for facial hair and we all know that tuba players have a great lung capacity….yup, I went there. Anyways, I was texting MJ practically all night and I told her I was going to this concert and afterword I texted. “Well that happened, hello tuba player.” I miss having someone near to do talk boys and girl stuff. (And to talk about our little writing endeavor which is going amazing by the way. Their in court right now.) B.T.W. MJ, this trip needs to happen. I miss you! I also went to Wendy’s yesterday. I kind of love their fries. I miss being able to go out and eat and not worry about meals and feeding people.

I haven’t done a book review lately. That’s because I either don’t have time to read or I’m sleeping or don’t feel like reading. So eventually a book review will be coming, it just might be a while until I get my crap together and do something. I’m just waiting for the right book to lose myself in. It’ll probably be the next Outlander Book that comes out in June.

Sarcastic. I’m Not.

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Yesterday was Easter. The day us Christians celebrate the day that our Lord and Savior rose from the day. It’s a good day. It’s also a day my family gets together and hangs out. The family was hanging out at our house. So Saturday, my mom and I are cleaning. Mom was cleaning the bathroom and I walk by, she hands me a Reader’s Digest and says, read the article that’s marked, you’ll appreciate. It’s written like you. I instantly roll my eyes but I sit down and start to read this article. It’s a story about this guy with a really hot wife. He’s kind of sarcastic. So I finish up and I hand the Reader’s Digest to my mom and I say. “I don’t have a wife and I never will and I’m not that sarcastic.” Mom looks at me from scrubbing the tub. “Yes you are.”

Yesterday, at supper, I was telling the story about the last time I got pulled over with the headlight after work to my aunt. So I’m telling this story and I bring up this article and I still insist I am not sarcastic. Everyone looks at me and says mmmmmhmmm. I am not sarcastic. I’m not. Well, maybe I have a line or two. But I’m not fluent in it.

Also this weekend, before church yesterday, my friend-ish acquaintance, J came up behind me and gave me a hug. Now J is the other brother to 2 of my guy friends from high school. We also had some college classes together. It’s not that I don’t like J, it’s just I have a different relationship than I did with his brothers. So he gives me a hug and we start talking and my high school Sunday school teacher came up and we started talking about marriage and divorce. None of us have ever been married, so entertaining conversation, to be sure. The Sunday school teacher has a solution for divorce. You invite everyone that you did to your wedding to your divorce, you stand where you said your vows and you both state your cases on why you want a divorce. At the end, everyone gets a vote and the person that gets the least amount of votes, gets killed because in most vows, it’s until death do us part. So if you didn’t get the hint before, J and I will never be together. It doesn’t make sense, it would never work. So after this explanation of the divorce proceedings, J looks at me and says, “this is why we’d never be together. People like you more than me.” and he walks away. I call after him: “Good for me, bad for you”. On paper that sounds bad, but it really wasn’t. It was clever banter.

I also got a call this weekend from the museum’s security company. I’m still on the call list for the museum’s security stuff. I don’t want to be. So I called the museum this morning and the new manager picks up and I was all like “Hey, it’s Megan, I got a call from the security company this weekend, can I get off that list?” “Yeah, we’ll take care of that. Bye.” and she hangs up. It was totally awkward. I wish the part-timer picked up, she likes me. I don’t want this to be awkward, I want this to be okay. With the way this conversation went, she either doesn’t like me or things are awkward or she was in the middle of something. I want it to be the last thing there.

MJ and I are still writing, we had a writing session last night. It was epic. I did have an awkward moment last night where something came out super dirty and I couldn’t fix it. So I stopped. It was actually about sex and one of our characters. If this character were real and we were married, I would have sex with this character. And as awkward as that last statement was, the comment last night was even more awkward. It was bad and then I try to fix it and I was like, let’s forget that happened. MJ said, Kind of hard, that was kind of a big deal. Well, at least I can be awkward with her and it’s somewhat okay.

Mildly Independent.

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I like to consider myself mildly independent. I can handle things on my own and know when to call for help. I can check my oil, can take the car in when it needs oil, I can fill a mildly low tire with air. I can do things for myself. It’s what being an adult is right? That’s what I’ve heard at least. Isn’t being an adult completely overrated? Like one day, I’m just enjoying some Disney VHSs and a juice box and the next day I’m deciding how much to pay back on my student loan and planning to travel half way across the world by myself. And let’s be honest, that has been my life. I do watch Disney VHSs and drink juice boxes and I am paying back my student loans and traveling by myself. And a person is never to old to enjoy a nice refreshing juice box. If there hasn’t been one invented, someone should invent little boxed alcohol. I know there’s boxed wine but seriously, other alcohol in travel size. I’m not an alcoholic. It’s just a thought. And talking about adult things, being married came up again the other night at work. Now, I’m single. I’m okay with that at this point because I have a lot going on. Ask me again in like 2 months, my opinion might change. But honestly, this is like the fourth time this, and by “this” I mean marriage, has come up at work in the past 2 months. Yeah, overkill on the subject? Yes. That averages a marriage bring up every 2 weeks. Who says I’m adult enough for marriage? Not me, most the time I’m kind of like a 5-year-old at home. Didn’t you just read about my juice box and Disney binges? My sarcasm sometimes suggests other ages. So in all honesty, my age is up for debate.

Anyway, last night, I get off of work at like 9:30 and I’m pumped to be leaving work that early and so I walk out to my car, turn it on, make sure my music isn’t to loud to wake the dead and I pull away. Almost immediately I know I have a flat tire. And not just a flat tire that can be fixed with a little air, a majorly flat tire that would demand me to put a lot of air in it. I know that I live in a small town, with not so many options, I call my parents. There’s a reason for me not just filling the tire. I know it needs to fixed and because I don’t know how to change a tire. This is the second time that this has happened since I moved home so I called mom and dad and told them what was going on and where I was parked. So okay, they’re on their way to help me. Now I was expecting my mom to pop in with the car to help me. Nope, it was my daddy with the pickum-up-truck. Or the pickup, which ever you want to call it. And he changes my tire. Not only do my father and I share a sense of humor, he comes and saves the day by changing my tire. And to top it all off, it started to rain, making life that more dramatic. Because let’s face it, rain makes things dramatic. Even if it is just a sprinkle.

I know that there is nothing wrong with asking for help and not everyone knows how to change a tire, but in a weird way it feels like my mild independence is gone. I have survived out of my parents’ house for almost 8 years and then I need help with getting a tire off and replace it. Even though, I live in a very small town, I should have figured out a different solution or figured out how to change it myself….but my mommy and daddy like me…..

So this morning I dyed Easter eggs. Pretty excited about that. For no reason because most of those eggs are going into a potato salad my mother has all ready made. So there was no joy other than spending time with the niece and nephew this morning in this. No cracking the shell or anything. Disappointing. The other day my nephew was here and was going to leave. I asked for a hug. “Yeah, first Grandpa, then Grandma and then you. Save the best for last.” If only I could love that child a little more. I also came to the conclusion that even though I love the niece to bits, she is a loud child. Like you can’t hear yourself think when she’s in the vicinity. Did not get that from my side of the family. Those kids do keep me young. Maybe that’s why there’s such a debate on my age in my head.