This post will cover several subjects that may or may not be related to each other. Just so you’re warned.
So remember that post of recent past that I talked about the conversation between me, friend-ish acquaintance J and my old Sunday school teach had about divorce? Remember that. If not, go and find it. So yesterday, I’m sitting before church and dad didn’t go cause he hurt and mom was playing prelude for church so I was sitting alone. J came over and started talking to me. Whatever, we’re friend-ish acquaintances. I’m not even sure how to describe our relationship. We can get along just fine but he has these creepy moments that make me hold him at arms length. He doesn’t intend to be creepy. It just happens.
So we’re talking and somehow we get to the point of him saying, “You’ll probably come back from overseas with a guy.” Now I’ve been getting a lot of this. It makes me shake my head because I’m not going to go overseas to find a guy. It’s not my intention. It’s a mission and I’m going to do that and teach and concentrate on me and God. That’s it. Anyway, I mentioned that I had just had a dream about that. J is kind of a loud and energetic kind of person so he starts talking about it and it’s kind of embarrassing to the girl who is pretty private in real life. So I told him that it was pretty much me sitting on a bench (which is weird because I’m not really a bench sitting kind of girl.) an this guy comes up and says “hey we’re getting married.” and I was like “whoa, back up here, partner.” J goes well what does this guy look like? Well, I go, from other dreams I’ve had, he’s tall and dark haired to which J replies, I’m dark haired and tall. Let’s examine this here. J is probably 6 feet tall. That’s only 3 inches tall than me. I grew up with a 6 foot 3 dad and 6 foot 4 brother and cousins, on my dad’s side, over 6 feet too. When I say tall, I mean tall. Like, well over 6 feet. And if J and I were together, one of us would not make it out alive, most likely him. And then I mentioned that in another dream I called him Mike. (also, I called him moon doggie but I think it was because I was thinking about the Gidget movies before bed) Then he goes, I need to change my name. Whatever, J, Whatever. So he drops it and leaves and one of the ladies at the back asks him if we’re dating, he starts laughing and tells me. I say, “No, we need to put the kibosh on that rumor because that will never happen.” And after church he mentions that he’s tall again to me. Oh, yeah, did I mention J has a girlfriend? Yeah, he has a girlfriend. I know he’s naturally a flirtatious guy, but let it go. So I do have an issue with this guy. I’m not interested in him. Even if he didn’t have a girlfriend I wouldn’t be interested in him. I’m serious about not being interested but he’s still flirty and it bugs me. See, issue.
So MJ and I have been writing this story back and forth and it’s been a super great stress reliever for the both of us. I check my email way more than a person should because of this story. This story has taken over our lives, we email and text about this story, we do talk about other stuff but it always comes back to this story. The story centers around these 2 girls, Jane and Effie. Today we were discussing how much we are these 2 girls. It’s ridiculous. I’m not going to talk about Effie/MJ but Jane and I are eerily similar. We’re a little bit level headed, we know how to calm down our counterparts, we worry, we stress, we’re jeans and tee shirts girls, we love our literature. (because I still love literature even though I’ve sucking on the reading front lately.) The one difference I see between Jane and me is that Jane knows when to talk about when she’s worried and let’s Brad, her love interest, calm her down. I on the other hand tend to internalize it and shut people out for a while until I get it worked out in my head. This is not how it’s supposed to be. I should talk things out. I should use my words. Which is ironic, because I have a blog and there’s at least one, but I know more of one, post that I rant about the importance of words. Really, self? What’s with you? See another issue. Plus, like I said, Jane has Brad. I don’t have a Brad. The way we’ve written him, he’s almost the perfect guy for me. Just like Effie and Steve needs to be MJ and Steve. I’m pretty sure. I’ve decided. And I’m winning the marriage bet. That’s not an issue. (but I do have speech ready just in case I lose.)
By the way, story’s going great.
I’m reading Winter’s Tale by Mark Helprin. It was a large book and the back of the book made it seem interesting so I picked it up last week at Barnes and Noble. I just can’t seem to get through anything anymore. I blame moving home for that. See another issue. Issues all around. It really is.
I find myself more and more discontent where I’m at and more and more ready to be gone. It’s not that I don’t love hanging out with my parents and stuff, just ready to be starting my life again and not working at the nursing home. I’m more of a solo worker than a team worker. The other night I was working and one of the other CNA’s was like “Are you okay? are you pissed? are you mad at me?” No, that’s my face. Leave me alone. ugh, another issue.