Category Archives: funny stories

Crappy (literally) Teaching Moment

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Yesterday, my first class was my lowest level class. It was the first day after a 4 day weekend and our schedule is a little confused because the seniors are testing. Anyway. These kids have been talking about going to the doctor and I brought in a worksheet. Most of the vocab, they knew but there was some new stuff to stretch them. One of the new words was diarrhea. Then they ask me. “Miller? What is Diarrhea?” “Okay, this will be very non-teacher like of me guys, but you know when you poop and it comes out watery with chunks in it? That is diarrhea?” Confused looks. So I start thinking of other ways to describe it. “Miller? What is poop?” Ah crap I think. (Exact thought. I promise) “Okay, crap, shit. The chunks that come out when you sit on the toilet. That is poop and if it looks like water and has chunks in it and you do it a lot in a short time, that is diarrhea.” Of course that would set in. They knew the words crap and shit. It was then the light bulb came on and they were like “OH!!!!!” and they tell everyone who did not understand what it is in Hungarian. Every once in a while you just have to curse in class.

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More Awkward Encounters.

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So, why do I attract awkward situations with men? Seriously? I’m starting to blame this on the men. It’s not my fault. Let me explain. There’s this guy at work that just makes life awkward. Now, to be fair, he doesn’t have sisters, I don’t know his mom, I know he hangs out with guys a lot so he doesn’t have a reason to understand women. We have spent three shifts in a row together. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And usually at work, there’s a point of the night very early on that I get in this zone of, don’t bother me, I’m putting people to bed or I’m getting blood pressures. I get intense. So after I feed one night, I come back on the wing and he goes “If there was an intelligent race of fighter gorillas and they ruled over an intelligent race of dogs, what would their cultures be like?” I’m supposed to follow that? Really? He knows that I’m not into sci-fi. We’ve had this discussion before. Ugh. Then that night, I’m charting or putting stuff in the computer, he comes up to me and goes, “Can I ask a personal question?” My mind goes okay, what’s going on. I’m going to turn you down if you ask me out because I’m leaving, we’re really different but then I’d feel bad for turning you down because you’re awkward and someone needs to teach you how not to be awkward. So I go. “Ask and if it’s to personal, I won’t answer. I’ll dodge the question.” (B.T.W. We’ve already had that exchange already that I’ve had to wonder if he’s asking me out. He needs a different lead in.) So he asks his question and we get into this long discussion about religion.

Move to later that night. I pop into a store room to get a drink of water. He corners me. He asks me if I can put someone to bed that he usually does. Yeah. “You okay?” “Yup. I’m fine.” “You sure? Because sometimes women say they’re fine and they’re not fine. I don’t know how to read women. They’re hard. And I don’t deal with them very often.” (The nursing home is crawling with women and very few men. He works at a place crawling with women.) “I’m fine.” (By this time we’re okay no. I’m walking to another room to fill my water and he’s following me explaining to me that women don’t always say what they mean. And he obviously doesn’t know me well because if he did, he’d know that I’m pretty straight forward. I say what I mean.” “You sure?” he asks again. I look at him, annoyed. “See this face? It’s my I’m fine face.” “Okay.” he backs off.

Next night, he follows me into the store room and then to the water room. He comes in and I joke about him stalking me. “yup. I am…..So how you doin’? So that weather…..It keeps changing. Like how does it do that?” He jokes. Okay. That did make me laugh. We’ll give him that. He made me laugh once. ONCE! Don’t go marrying me off. And last night we got off without any awkward situations. YAY! No Awkwardness. I feel like at this point, it’s a weird, off day that I’m not having an awkward situation. Yeah, I’m that girl. Always awkward.

Book Front: I’ve been slacking but I have started and finished 2 books. Reviews to come.

I also watched the season premiere of Outlander on Starz. From my tired, after work brain, it was good. I want to watch more, not tired, to get a real opinion. Did anyone else watch that? I want to know opinions.

MJ and I are still writing our random story. I like it. I feel like it’s going to be a life saver when I leave the country…..in 2 weeks.

Yay for Posting.

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So last weekend, over the 4th holiday, (BTW, happy late Canada Day and Independence Day) we had a family reunion. My mom has 4 brothers and one of them has a lake house in Minnesota and that’s about half way for point for a lot of people so we met in Minnesota. 3 of the 4 uncles were there and almost all the cousins. I say almost all the cousins and, in my head, it sounds like that’s a lot of people but let’s break this down.

All together there was:

4 out of 5 siblings and 3 spouses.

9 out of 12 cousins

6 spouses of cousins

11 children of cousins. Actually 13 because sister is pregnant with twins. That’s right my niece/nephew count will be doubling around my birthday next year

4 dogs.

So at the most at one time, because some cousins left early, (cough sister, brother and their families, cough) 31 people in all. (that are out of the womb) It was a good time. Here’s some highlights of the weekend.

I got to drive the new pickup. That makes my life. But my dad and I changed spots after a while. There was a sign that said that there was work being done on the shoulder. Now here’s further proof I’m like my father. We both go at the same time. “I have 2 shoulders.” and we motion to our shoulders exactly the same. See proof. Also, on the way back, after stopping at implement dealers, we stopped to eat and we came up with a master plan to drive mom insane. That was fun.

My cousin and his wife, (FYI, there’s only 3 girls out of the 11 cousins and 2 of us were there, so when I say cousin, most likely it’s a guy) they adopted a little black boy. He’s only a couple months old and super cute and super black. At one point, some of us were in the kitchen getting supper ready and somehow, I procured this little bundle of joy. Not sure how this happened. But we were standing there and he was facing out and looking around and I was bouncing him around and my uncle comes around the corner and goes “Holy shit if that’s not a contrast.” Because I’m super white and this baby is super black. So he really wasn’t lying when he said we contrasted.

Another cousin has a little girl that has Downs Syndrome and she provides some entertainment. My cousin’s wife was holding her and we were talking and this little girl loves Frozen, like any little kid. And this girl started calling me Ana and she was Elsa. My brother-in-law brought up the Frozen songs on his phone and she started singing along and doing all the actions to the songs. It was so much fun to see. Then that night she was going to bed and I go “Goodnight Elsa.” And she looks at me and goes “ANA!” with this big grin on her face. Talk about melt your heart. The rest of the weekend I go “Who am I?” Ana. “Who are you?” Elsa. Pretty sure the family will be calling me Ana for the rest of my life just so they don’t have to mess up on the M names me and my siblings have.

The day after the fourth, we’re all standing down by the lake for breakfast. My sister and her husband were late getting up. An uncle comes up to us and says, “Megan’s up at the house, awake.” We all look at him and ask him to repeat himself. So he repeats it exactly how he said it the first time. I look at him and go “Hi, I made it down to the lake.” He looked at me and goes, “That was fast. But I meant the other one.”

So that was my weekend. I also went back to the nursing home this week. I just finished 4 shifts in a row and have 3 in a row starting tomorrow. For not being put on the schedule this month, I’m sure working a lot. 10 shifts in like a 2 weeks. Who knew that there would be so much work at a nursing home……I did.

So I’ve been back at home for about 2 weeks now from the Chicago area and I’m kind of missing it. Like the social part, being around people my age and similar personalities. It was like college except not.

So remember me talking about friendish/acquaintance at church? I still don’t know what to call him. Sure, let’s go for it. We’re friends. So today, he walks into church with this girl and he comes over to me and gives me a hug. ugh hugs. I am not a hugger but I deal with it. So he introduces the girl, who I think is his girlfriend, but I don’t know because he didn’t say she was his girlfriend just told me her name. Ok, here’s my deal. If it was his girlfriend, he should not have hugged me, even if it is in his personality go be a hugger. Right? Anyone agree with me?

I went to the doctor this past week, waste of my TIME! and I swung by Barnes and Noble and picked me up Book 8 of the Outlander series. Only a month and a half after it came out. Megan for the win. I am just starting it and love it. YAY!

OH! MJ and I are having a girls trip in like a week and a half. We’re going to Fargo! No jokes please. It’s the first time we’ll have actually seen each other in like 3 years. This is going to be EPIC! And maybe a yearly tradition.

10 Liters of Maple Syrup.

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I’m home now. So I’m going to tell you about my last week of not being home and coming home because both are adventures.

So the last week I was gone was all about the company that I’m working with to go to Budapest. It was interesting. Friday they moved my roommate and I out of the campus apartments and into a dorm room. Ugh small room for 2 girls, communal showers and toilets. I’m not a fan. Give me my own bed and a bathroom I can dominate. I got home early Sunday morning and rejoiced greatly of the bed and the shower. I really did. There’s a Facebook post about it. But this past week, really month but week in general, has been draining emotionally. Lots of questioning has gone on but it’s what I’m meant to be doing and where I need to be so it’ll all be good in the end. So during this orientation, we had a breakout session about how to deal going to a foreign country and being single. We had a woman from Arkansas and a guy from Ontario leading our group. They were talking about taking things that were comforting overseas. The guy from Ontario, (which is in Canada, for those of you geographically challenged) was talking about this and how his second year to Black Forest Academy (BFA) in Germany, he had an extra suitcase. He filled this suitcase with 10 liters of Maple Syrup. That’s right. No lie, no typo. 10 liters of Maple Syrup. We all laugh at him and this one girl just loses it. She cannot get over that he took 10 liters of maple syrup and adamantly stated that she didn’t understand Canadians. This also happened on Friday when we were all lacking sleep. But then I was like don’t you complain people, there are only 4 of us that were here for a month. You have no idea how tired we are. But we pushed through and people were sympathetic to us. So that was a highlight of the week. That and being asked if I was going to join a Hungarian choir. That’s a different story all together.

I’m so glad I went through this month-long journey but I’m so relieved to be home. I saw the kids yesterday and I got a hug from both of them and they both told me that they missed me. Even the nephew. He was more connected more to me than usual too, so he missed me. but it was mutual. This month, I learned a lot, I got to prepare myself. I think I grew some as well. I met some great people and am ready to start this journey. I also met my future roommate. That was fun. I’m also glad that I have my own space right now. Living in the dorm is not what I want to do.

So I flew out on Saturday. I left the college at 11:30 and had a 2:30 boarding and 3:20 departure from O’Hare. I sat on the plane for 2 hours. There was a layover in Minneapolis and there was storm. No one was getting in or out. I didn’t leave Chicago until almost 8. I was hypothetically supposed to be in the air at 8 to be in NoDak at 8:15. So, changed my ticket to a different town and time. So we landed in Minneapolis, (B.T.W. Like the Minneapolis airport better than O’Hare) and I booked it across the airport because I had 20 minutes to catch my plane and it’s delayed. My phone magically broke and then fixed itself so I did have a phone to call home and tell them I wasn’t getting into Bismarck and not Dickinson at 12:30 a.m. My parents were already coming into town. So they went to Perkins and a movie. I provided a date night for my parents. But the nice thing about sitting and waiting to go to Bismarck, most of us were all from NoDak and from the same area so we all knew similar people. But I didn’t pee or eat all day on the first day of moodiness. I should get an award for that.

On the way to Minneapolis, I was stressed already with the situation, and they get on the intercom and tell us that we were going to go through turbulence. I wasn’t worried because it wasn’t going to be that bad. But the plane dropped majorly. And that didn’t help my nerves. I grabbed on to my belt and gripped until there was no more life in that seat belt. Not that it would have saved me if we crashed but it did make me feel better. I’m a nervous traveler. I like the flying, just the connecting from plane to plane stresses me out. Going overseas is going to treat me well, isn’t it?

Other Notes: MJ and I started another story. It’s the story of 2 of the characters in the original book. We miss our original characters though. They made life better. Family reunion over the 4th of July weekend. So I’m not even home that long. Yay! I also have visa stuff to work on. Double Yay! Stress is only going up from here.

Shoot outs Send People to Jail.

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So today, we were micro teaching and I wasn’t wanting to do it. But I put on my big girl pants and did it. I was doing a little lesson on tourism. So I put on a commercial of Medora on and we were talking about wild-west towns/tourist traps and this was to my classmates who I’ve known for the past couple of weeks. I asked them what they associated with Western towns and someone goes shooting. I go “Not anymore, because you can get arrested for shooting people and we don’t want to put people in jail overseas but I’ll put fake shoot outs.” So we laugh and I go on. I then transition into what are impolite and polite things to do. I do the polite things first and then ask about impolite things. The only guy in the class goes “Shooting people”. Yes, definitely something impolite.

The we were on a break and we started talking about Harry Potter and the same guy is talking about how he did a marathon of the first 6 movies and it was around Easter, so there was an abundance of chocolate around, and he ate the chocolate non stop. So there was a long period of time where he couldn’t see either a Harry Potter movie or a piece of chocolate and not think of the other. Oh good times in class.

So I’m now in week 3 of training and this week we only have class in the morning from 8-almost 1. My butt hurts from sitting so much. We’re going more in depth on teaching and doing some of these micro-teaching stuff. I’m not a fan of microteaching. Just got to do it right? It’ll be better when I’m there right?……Right. Next week is like an orientation for the company and then I go home for a while. School starts September 1 and I get over there a week before. So if anyone is in Budapest, I’ll be about 20 minutes out of the city center. Let me know if you’re around. I’ll be more than happy to hang out. Promise. I’ll make time for you. But there isn’t a lot of you that are in Europe, so if you’re travelling….

So MJ and I have finished the story. Or at least the first pass of it. We’re doing editing now. Since this story has been started, we’ve gotten so much more inappropriate with each other. It’s just a habit now. So many things have innuendos now. I blame MJ for that. She brings out the inappropriateness out.

Mothers Day

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Today was mother’s day. I love my mommy. But I failed. I didn’t get my mom anything. Yesterday we went to go see one grandma and we went with my sister-in-law and the kids. I was sitting in between the kids and mom was going into the store. I yell at mom to get herself a card on me. Mom and the sister-in-law roll there eyes. I woke up this morning and told mom that I was going to make her a card but obviously nothing was going to be as nice as what she would have picked out for herself. She laughed. Does that mean I was right? I can be crafty but I’m sure that my card would have been lame. Being 26 and thinking about making your mother a mother’s day card can be lame. Pretty sure. But it is her fault for not following directions.

We went to go see the other grandma today. We stopped and went to church with my aunt and uncle and then we took grandma out to eat. When I got my first pair of boots in college, she saw them and told me that since I had boots, I was going to attract all the cowboys and now every time she sees me in boots she comments about how I don’t have a cowboy. I am aware of this. So we go back to grandma’s apartment and I’m looking around because the med that I’m on for my thyroid gives me this extra burst of energy and so I wasn’t sitting still. Behind me there was a newer looking card that said something to the extent of “Happy Birthday to my wife”. My grandfather, the one married to this grandmother, has been gone for about 33 1/2 years. He died of a rare blood disease a month and a half before his first grandchild. So I was confused. It’s not grandma’s birthday for another month or so and I know she kind of has a boyfriend in this complex. I say kind of because pretty sure it’s not official and grandma gets all huffy about it. So I was like “what if it’s from this guy? Did they secretly get married? Grandma getting married right before she turns 80? No. I need to be there for that wedding.” So I ask mom and dad if they know about a secret wedding. This card looked way to knew to be from 30 plus years ago. They didn’t know. We went to my aunt and uncles place for a while and so I asked my aunt. No, it’s a card still from my grandpa. It’s an incredibly sweet thing to have. This is almost a gross cute thing. This must have been the last birthday card grandma got. But a part of me was a little upset that grandma didn’t have a secret wedding. I don’t think that would set well with grandma’s children though.

After we left we stopped at this little restaurant we used to stop at when I was little. This place hasn’t changed since I was little. Same carpets, same restrooms that say ‘cowgirls’ and ‘cowboys’ on them, same red glasses. The same red glasses. These glasses epitomized eating at this restaurant when I was little. I had a rant about how amazing these red glasses were tonight. They were amazing. I still love them. I then told mom and dad what section we used to sit at all the time and the pictures haven’t changed a bit. Still looks like 1996 in these pictures. You have to love small town diners that never change owners or workers. Lots of memories there.

Tonight my brother and his family came over to give mom her a mothers day gift. The nephew looks at me and says “you’re going to be here for 10 more days.” I was a little confused so I had him repeat it and his parents and I kind of looked at each other like “What the hell is this child talking about?” Then it dawned on me. I had explained to him a few months ago that I was going to be living at grandma and grandpa’s for awhile, or at least until he was a first grader. He graduates kindergarten in 10 days. That’s where he got that. Geesh. That kid.

So I’ve been doing some editing to the story MJ and I are telling. Do you hear that MJ? I’m editing and adding. I’m trying to pull my weight in this story. Trying is the key word there. We decided that we aren’t ready to leak this story to public yet so no one gets to read it. But it’s amazing. Because we are amazing.

Yup

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Everyone has that couple friends that are gross cute. They’re that couple that are so cute they’re gross. They don’t mean it or get handsy or anything, they just are so in love that it’s gross. They do cute little things for each other and stuff. It makes you want to puke. Gross cute. MJ and I have been talking about this a lot lately. We’re writing and telling this story and one day I was worried about the one couple being gross cute. I also told her that I never want to be gross cute. Not that I have anything against being gross cute but it’s not who I am. I’m the somewhat sarcastic girl who’s a little direct. Gross cute is not what I do. But we’ll see what happens, if that happens.

So I got hit on the other night at work by a man in his upper 80’s. Awkward. So you have to know this guy is one of the most appreciative men ever. Never a bad word to be said, even when he’s sick he’s really positive and will give you a compliment. He’s the one that called me pretty one. So tonight, I’m getting him from his recliner to his wheel chair. He was pivoting, meaning that he stands and turns instead of getting hooked up to a machine to help him turn. So I’m standing in front of him and he’s turning and when he turns he’s a little hunched and you can’t be me and a CNA and not get in people’s faces when you pivot. You can’t do that and not feel comfortable that they’re not going to fall. So he’s turning and he goes well at least I have soft breasts to lay my head on. I was so concentrated on what I was doing that it didn’t hit me what was going on. And being who he is, I know he was being nice and being positive but it was so creepy. Then later I was helping him get ready for bed and I heard the lady next door ring her bell and I was a little unnerved by what had happened so I go out and the other CNA was about to go into the neighbor’s room. So I was like “S, let’s switch” and he’s like okay the original guy was his to get ready anyway. So later S the CNA goes, “Hey, thanks for getting him started.” and I go. “No problem, he said something that made me a little uncomfortable before so I was glad to get out of there.” The man that commented to me is so sweet that S the CNA corners me going into a store room to ask me what he said. So I tell him and I was like “I know he didn’t mean it as like weird, but it unnerved me.” Thank God for S the CNA. I was at the home unofficially yesterday and walked by his room and kind of shuttered. I’ll get over it.

So yesterday, Saturday, was family day at the home. I didn’t have to work but I was there because my grandma is in the home. First, I had CNA’s telling me I need to get my scrubs on, get my name tag and start working. NO! Then we ran to the store after the festivities were done. We went in with my sister-in-law and the kids (I was sitting in between the kids in the back seat of the pickup) and my mom was going to run in. I yell, “When you’re in there, pick up a mother’s day card for yourself from me.” Mom and sister-in-law just look at each other and shake their heads. It’s not an unusual reply is it? No….Yes, I should have thought about mother’s day before the day before. I fail as a child. So, my brother and sister-in-law built a house on the home place and my nephew and I planned for me to come over and play. We get home and he says. I’ll call you when to come over. So I take my contacts out, throw my hair up and put on a sweatshirt and I’m messing around then he calls. So I go over. You expect the kid to play with me right? Yeah, for like a half an hour. The rest of the time, I help him with his subtraction homework and hang out with my sister-in-law. Lamest play date ever. We need to work on that.

MJ and I are still utterly addicted to our story. We may need an intervention. Someone want to stage that for us? So tonight I go, I’m going to go to bed. So I take a quick shower, do my toe nails, start shaving my legs with my electric shaver and it dies so I go back on the internet. This all happens in like an hour an MJ has been working on her section for like 2 hours. This is us, more so her than me because I know I can edit she edits as she goes, we spend hours on our story. Makes us epic.