Mermaids Reappear

I’m at a point right now where I just can’t seem to finish a post. That’s why you haven’t seen much of me lately. I just can’t focus and bust out anything that’s good. I’ve been too busy to do anything exciting and there’s just not the brain power to do anything. Yesterday I went in the library to get an audio book and the I was having trouble finding a book that had the power for me to use very little brain power and the librarian said I was being whiny. I am not whiny. I just inform people of the things that are wrong in my life. There’s a difference. And I’m tired so leave me alone. I’ll get more to post about when I go overseas and start living a more exciting life. Trust me, lots of awkward moments I can get into with a language barrier and cowboy boots.

So today I started writing things down that are in my head for the museum and I never realized how much I knew. I have one page front and back full and the start of another one and that’s just the beginning of it. There’s no stop to the knowledge I have. And honestly, I didn’t get any of the information I put down when I started here. This is me being nice even though I don’t want to be. I really just want to not leave anything and let the new person figure it out like I had to. But that would be horrible of me. Right? Do I have the justification of not leaving anything? This is a moral question that I just don’t want to deal with and let someone else not in this situation decide. One of the board stopped by today to kind of figure out all what I know and she was here for about a half hour and I really overwhelmed her. That’s what happens when you’ve been here 3 years with little help. You get to smart.

When I first started here, some of the volunteers would joke that the museum has a ghost. The buzzer went off for no reason, heard things randomly, things like that would happen. I dismissed it. The building’s not that old and no way we’re haunted. Now, I totally get it. Everything they said has happened. I have had merchandise that is secure on the top shelf of a book case on the floor 6 feet away from where it should be and today, when I was totally alone in the museum and sitting up front at the desk writing, one of the pictures fell of a very secure place on the wall and broke the frame. There’s a bunch of pictures sitting on this ledge and none of them have ever fallen before and it was just one picture. On a normal basis, this picture (that was in the middle) would have taken down all the rest of the pictures. This museum has something going on. Trust me.

I also forgot to mention last post that the night R and I were drinking while using sharp tools to curate millions of years old fossils, she was telling us about her broken toilet. It runs and runs and runs. So being the toilet experts we are, Y and I told her how to fix it. And then we all huddled around a toilet or two to show her how to fix her toilet. Now here’s the thing. I went to the bathroom this morning and then went back to bed. My toilet started to run and I was too tired to realize it was my toilet and I just thought it was one of the guys upstairs taking a shower. Nope, my toilet. Not that exciting right? Well, welcome to my life. It centers around the museum and toilets.

Remember when I went on a mermaid spree a few months ago? Right, it was epic. Well that documentary was on last night again. It got me thinking about mermaids again. And don’t mess with me, mermaids could possibly exist. We don’t know, we haven’t explored everything under water. Here’s my question. What is the life span of a mermaid. R says that it’s 43.89 years because you don’t see an old, ugly, wrinkly mermaid. I asked her how many mermaids she had seen and she has seen a few. She’s older. I’m going to believe her. She then counter my questions with the question of are the baby mermaids shark bait. They have to be. No way that they couldn’t be. Sharks (with the exception of Bruce from ‘Finding Nemo’ and only because he never knew his father) aren’t friends with anyone. They eat. Hence my thought process. And since we’re talking about it, ‘The Little Mermaid’ has been on t.v. and I’ve been noticing it. Mermaids are taking over the world? Quite possibly.

I haven’t talked about this much but R and I will talk about random conspiracy theories. She thinks that Elvis is really in South Dakota on the Reservation. We, collectively, think that Big Foot is a little creepy and we don’t want to deal with him, the Loch Ness Monster is cool and we want to find him and I totally am into mermaids. R asked a guy friend of hers what he thought of the whole mermaid thing and he didn’t say that they did exist but also didn’t say they didn’t exist. He said it was possible. I’m totally taking that as he’s on my side and he is a very smart man.

Well, I totally wasn’t expecting to talk about mermaids again today but they’re stalking me. When I live in a land locked state. That doesn’t get much annual rainfall. I don’t know how they’re doing it but this is totally happening and the mermaids want me to know something. Let me tell you what mermaids. I don’t speak mermaid. I speak human. Am I obsessed…..as sad as this is, yes. I need a new hobby or a new obsession. Something that doesn’t involve creatures whose existence isn’t quite proven yet. One day this will happen. One day. Maybe after I move, the mermaids will leave me alone.

Questions I Have.

I really don’t have the energy to keep on one subject so here’s questions I have for the universe.

Does someone want to explain to me what the lure of mason jars are? People are using them for weddings and utensils. To me, yeah, they’re useful but I’m not going to decorate a wedding with them. To me, why use them at a wedding unless you live in the mountains or a forest, not if you live in a city. Mason jars aren’t that great. Thanks.

And since we’re talking about weddings, what’s with the pouring sand in a jar. Yes, I get what it symbolizes but really? Let’s get the vows, short biblical story/message, rings, kiss the wench and we’re done. None of this extra stuff.

Why is phonetic not spelled phonetically? Phonetics doesn’t help me like ever making dictionaries like table levelers.

Why are decisions so hard? I don’t like them. They should be nice and soft and squishy. And I should call him squishy and he will be my squishy.

Where did the phrase “Caught between a Rock and a Hard Place” come from?

Why can’t I get a day off?

Who wants to come with me and steal Diana Gabaldon’s copy of her new novel that’s coming out next year? We can’t do that, no matter how desperate I am to continue the heroic saga of Jamie and Claire.

Does someone want to give me a fake beard and moooooooustache? I’m breaking out and I feel like a fake beard and moooooooustache would help my self-confidence right now. Which brings me to the question of: Who’s played Moustache bingo? If you haven’t played Moustache bingo, here’s how you play. You put a moustache on a random place on the television, where you normally wouldn’t have a moustache and whenever it hits the appropriate spot you yell BINGO. We used to play that at the bar of the Pizza Parlor in Medora and tourists thought we were crazy.

I can’t get my hair to keep curl. I have board hair. I put mousse in my hair and then I douse my hair with hair spray, like that hole, in the ozone layer, might be my fault and it’s still looks like a warped board at the end of the day. How does one keep curls or waves in one’s hair all day? I totally blame my father for this problem.

Who lets me drink juice by myself from something other than a sippie cup? I always dribble. You would think that at 25 I could drink without spilling juice through that hole in my mouth. I can’t. I’m failing at being an adult. First: I spill fluid out of my mouth and Second: I find out that fluid is non-spiked juice-a very not adult drink.

I lost a subscriber. Where’d you go. Come back. Let’s not break up. I’ll try harder to be a good….blogger. Yeah, probably not. But come BACK!

That’s all the questions I really have. Answer……………now.

Day 2 of Mermaids.

I promise mermaids won’t be a thing I talk about all the time. It just keeps coming up. If you read the comments from yesterday’s post, I felt challenged to draw a picture of a mermaid with a baby hole. Cary, challenge completed and won.

I know it’s not a great picture but here’s what’s going on. I went with an Ariel version of a mermaid. She’s bobbing half above water with her sea shell bra and saying “Ah, prince Eric you’re sooooo dreamy”. Next bubble “Someday I’ll be part of your world”. Last bubble, “Never Mind, I’ll go marry a merman”. Then I point out her baby hole and I drew a Megler Fish. If you follow the VlogBrothers than you know a Hankler Fish is a fish drawn by a Hank. A Megler fish is a fish drawn by a Megan. That’s right, I stole an idea. I now have created a species of fish. OH! Maybe I can make a documentary about it just like the mermaid one and get rich and famous off of it! Epic streak of GENIUS! Wait, I can’t do that, Megler Fish technically wasn’t my idea since I stole the idea from the VlogBrothers. DAMN IT!

The power went out today while I was in the bathroom (it’s always while I’m in the bathroom the lights go out. ALWAYS! I’m not sure if that’s because I’m in the bathroom a lot or it’s coincidence. When I used to scoop ice cream in Medora, ND, I was always in the bathroom when the power went out. I think God is just using his sense of humor with me.) so I locked up the museum, because who wants to go through a museum in the dark and went to the library to hang out until the lights came on. (which totally reminds me I should do a flash lit tour of the museum for Halloween) I brought them the picture and we started talking about mermaids in hushed tones because there were children around and one of the librarians asked how a mermaid pees. I don’t have an answer for that.

During this time, I did develop a story for the Ariel in my picture. She got smart and realized that Ursula was an evil sea witch that wanted to get Ariel’s father off the throne. Ariel didn’t want that, even if she married Prince Eric, that would suck for her family and her mer-people. So she decided to go and marry a merman and pop out some babies. If I had it my way, Ariel would not be a redhead. She’d have black hair because how is she supposed to keep her red hair? There’s no sun to keep it red.

I had coffee this morning because I stayed up late last night working on a new project. I’m going to try and knit a sweater. We’ll see how this goes. I’m predicting not well. So, anyway, I got a large coffee to go like I usually do. I don’t know what Steffi did to it but I cannot settle down and it’s giving me a sense of humor. Not that I didn’t before, but it’s escalated today and it’s making me pee like a Russian Racehorse. Ugh. I hate spending my day running to the bathroom.

I finished World’s Greatest Sleuth! by Steve Hockensmith. I enjoyed it but then I just enjoy listening to this series because it’s not a heavy western and the reader gets the voice down of a cowboy at this time down. If you have any recommendations for books, let me know. I’m always up for suggestions.

Now hopefully I am done with talking about mermaids. Unless you can bring something up that makes me ramble on and on and on again. It’ll make for an entertaining post. I guarantee it. The posts where I can rant or ramble on are always the fun ones for me to write. I hope their just as fun to read. But after today, I’ll probably just drop the mermaids and talk about something else.

Different topic section.

I made a decision, which are words that I’m pretty sure my parents have come to dread because it’s always something outlandish or life-changing. But I made a decision. And if you get sick of me talking about relationships, then don’t read this. In my 25 year history, I have never actively looked for a boyfriend. Any little thing I’ve had with a guy, it’s just popped up. I think it’s time I did….actively look. Yup. It’s time. At least a little. I need to settle down and get myself a guy.

Yes, Mermaids. Deal with It.

I don’t usually post something like this, sci-fi, mythological stuff, so just go with it.

Saturday night the Discovery Channel had this documentary thing on mermaids called “Mermaids: The Body Found.” I’m not a fanatic about mythological creatures. I’ve talked about the Twilight series enough and how many times have I talked about other creatures like mermaids and centaurs or the sort? I do love the Chronicles of Narnia though. They have mermaids and mythological creatures. But I was totally entranced by this documentary. They found mermaids! MERMAIDS! Obviously, mermaids don’t exist. Click to read the article on the documentary and the validity of it. So the rest of this discussion of actual mermaids is hypothetical.

My question, (my big burning question that no one can answer or wants to) how do mermaids reproduce? Is it fish like since they can’t have human junk. But if it’s fish-like, I don’t understand it, that has to be a huge egg like baby container.

I do think that the documentary did have one thing right. Mermaids would not look like Ariel. No way in hell. Where would you get all that material for all those bras for the females because no female can have just one outfit, they wouldn’t be so human like on top and they could not be that red-headed. If they had hair, it would probably be dark because they don’t have the sun to bleach it.

Like I said before, the Chronicles of Narnia do have mermaids. I love the Chronicles. I love Lewis. It is a love fest. Point being that there are books that have mythology in them, that I don’t mind. What I mind is being obsessive about the creatures and the creatures being a vocal point in the work and them having a love life with a non-mythological creature. I used to way more into mythology than I am now. At about ages 13-15 I wanted to write a mythological fiction book series. This is true. Now, I really don’t want to read about it. It’s amazing what 10 years can do right?

I did take a mythology class in college. It was online and we had to read Myths to Live By by Joseph Campbell. I didn’t like some of his stances. Nope. I don’t care that he had a different stance than me on religion but it was how he stated it. Don’t be a jerk if you’re writing on religion. State your business and then move on.

Now, this documentary started at 9 p.m. my time and it was 2 hours long and then there was an hour-long catch up with one of the scientists on the documentary. That means I was watching stuff about mermaids until midnight. I promised one friend that at 12:01, I’d stop obsessing about mermaids and at 12:01 I got a text asking me if I was done. Yes, I was. R and I totally had a conversation about mermaid reproduction and the validity of their reality. She fell asleep about 11:30. Amateur. Obviously not as hard-core as me.

To throw in an understatement, I am obsessing about mermaids way more than I should. And I should be concentrating on stuff that is actually real.

Other Mermaid reading:
http://thefw.com/mermaid-facts/
http://www.geekologie.com/2012/06/mermaids-are-real-the-animal-planet-docu.php

Post Script. Anyone know what last night was? Monday night. Band night. I love band night. My little 12 year-old was there. And she’s improving. That’s a good thing and fun to watch.

Post Post Script. I got this new pair of jeans. Being a girl, I want to see how my behind looks in them. I looked at my behind at work, walking out of the bathroom. So, when is it inappropriate to check your own behind out?

Post Post Post Script. I decided that there are worse-looking butts out in the world than mine.

“A Whole New World” or Not.

I like watching Disney movies like God intended….on VHS. I don’t mind that I have to fast forward or rewind and it takes forever, I takes me back to childhood, Shasta and my sister making me watch Disney movies so she could talk on the phone with her friends. I love Disney movies on VHS.

I can think of one YouTube video, done by Jenna Marbles, (click to watch, there is some language with it) that talks about how the Disney Princesses gives girls unrealistic expectations about life. You meet this guy, sing a few songs and then you get married and live happily ever after. I can’t say that Disney movies gave me that expectation. I watched a lot of Disney when I was a little kid but I also did a lot of running around outside and reading. Did that running around outside give me unrealistic expectation of becoming an Olympic runner? No. No, it didn’t. I probably got more of my romantic expectations from books than I did Disney movies.

I do see the point though. It’s all tidy. AND THE HAIR! Now, I’m not going to be modest here and say that I have a lovely head of hair. But really Disney Princesses? You all have long, beautiful hair that is impossible to have. Yes, thank you Jenna Marbles for pointing that out to me. And have you noticed all the princes are good-looking? Boo.

Here’s my top 10 favorite Disney/cartoon-ish movies.

1. “Beauty and the Beast”. Yes, this is number one. It will never be less than number one. NEVER! Why? The library. How many books are in that library? Has the beast read all of those books? How did he get all of those books? I know that the beast really has a name but why does the movie not specifically mention it? If it does, I haven’t ever noticed it. I do love the love story message part of this, Belle loving the Beast even though he’s a little fugly. The talking objects that were supposed to be inanimate would have freaked me out for a while but I would have loved him for the library. It always comes back to the library for me.

2. “Aladdin” Even though I’m blonde with natural highlights, I wanted Jasmine’s hair so bad. It was long and thick and she could do whatever she wanted and I always wanted black hair. I wanted it before it was popular to dye your hair black. Now I don’t. I also had the biggest crush on Aladdin. Was it because of the chest? I mean not all of the Princes walked around with just a vest, was it because I was fascinated with the bare chest and just didn’t realize it? I want a flying carpet and a monkey because of this movie. Not a genie because I always thought (even back when I was little) they caused trouble.

3. “The Lion King” Watch the beginning of the video, you’ll understand. Who doesn’t like animals? I mean, I’m a fan of them. Even though I’m not a lion, I wanted Simba and Nala’s love story. It taught me that sometimes your uncle is a jerk and that you need to be independent, suck it up and put the past behind you. Hakuna Matata. In high school we’d always say “Simmer Simba” When someone got out of hand. Was that just us or did other people do that too?

4. “Thumbelina” Not Disney but still super good. Again the hair, I want it. And oh the tights on the Fairies Prince. I didn’t get into this movie until older and now it poses some questions for me about how the story really works but it’s a freaking kids movie, I’m supposed to just accept the story.

5. “Mulan” Gave me a checklist of what to look for in a man. He must be swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire and as mysterious as the dark side of the moon. That’s a lot to expect of a man but I WANT IT! AND I don’t want him toooooo mysterious because I want to figure him out a little bit.

6. “Pocahontas” Damn Jenna Marbles. I feel like sometimes I need to steal Pocahontas’ bravery and rub it all over me to make me brave. Her dad almost killed her because of her bravery. That’s a little risky. I’ll take some of the bravery though. And Grandmother Willow was my favorite character and Thomas was another one I had a crush on. I think Thomas was such an underrated character. He moved the plot along.

7. “Finding Nemo” Who can forget to “Just keep swimming” now? No one. We would quote that movie all the time in youth group. I don’t think this movie helped me with any ocean fears I have going on subconsciously. I’ve never been to the ocean so I don’t know if I fear it. But it is a random thing I’d be scared of. But if I reminded myself that Nemo was there, I’d be okay.

8. “Toy Story” I want Andy’s name on my shoe…….wait. If I were a toy I’d want……okay there is no way I can make this not dirty at the moment. Give me time. They were cool. For a while after this movie and “The Beauty and the Beast”, I thought all inanimate things talked. How wrong I was…..or was I?

9. “Hercules” Did he ever grow up nice? Went from a scrawny teenager to Mr. Body Builder. I always thought it was cool that a form of my name was in the movie even if she was kind of a whore-ish wench. Even after she redeemed herself, I wouldn’t have left the gods for her. Pegasus, you are an excellent beast. (I just flapped my arms like wings when I thought about Pegasus. Is that normal?)

10. “The Emperor’s New Groove” I went up to a music camp up at the International Peace Gardens on the border of Canada and the U.S. for a couple of years and they would always have a movie night and all 3 years it was this movie. It’s really good though. Funny, good lesson.

So this is my list. All but number 1 could change at any time. Every time that ABC Family does a marathon of Disney movies, I get excited. And I still know all the songs. Probably typical of people my age. I do realize that this post might feel choppy but deal with it.

Finally, I’m reading Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins. I’ve heard it through blogs and YouTube and it always sounded like a good book but I’m always a little hesitant of books that everyone loves. I mean look at Twilight, there’s lots of love for that book but none of it coming from me. But I started it yesterday and I’m about half through it and it’s pretty good. It’s not to disappointing but still I wonder to myself, “Is there a dramatic ending?”.

Me Talking about Words AGAIN!

I was going to talk about my parents’ 36th wedding anniversary that was yesterday and how I was wallowing in self-pity. But I got over myself. I’m single. So what?

I ran into a map (click to look at it and I didn’t really run into it, someone had it on Facebook and I just happened to click.) about the different ways or different things Americans call things. It’s amazing to me the different ways to say one thing, especially in one country. It’s even more amazing to me how much power words have over us. Now I’ve talked about this before. I like words. I think the correct use of language is going down the toobs. There are few people who give me hope that language will be used correctly but for the most part booooo! But yes, I do have a small love affair with language and am fascinated where words come from and how words from different languages are similar.

Do you know where the phrase “Mind your P’s and Q’s” came from? Back a long time ago, I believe in the Middle Ages, they would serve Pints and Quarts in the pubs in England and when people started getting rowdy, the barkeep would say “mind your p’s and q’s” or “mind your pints and quarts”.

Not only am fascinated where language came from or how it evolves, I really am fascinated how different groups or individuals use words. Hence me mentioning before that map. For example fish and chips here in North Dakota is totally different from Great Britain. How did that happen? Now here’s what I really want to talk about. How an individual uses words for their benefit.

We all have heard (or at least most of us) the saying about the sticks and the stone hurting us but words will never hurt us. I hate that this phrase is such a cliché and it’s a complete lie. If that cliché wasn’t a lie, then we wouldn’t have bullied kids committing suicide. We would be a happier society probably.

This is how I see it. Some people are like the movie “Mean Girls” (Not always girls but girls are really good at this) use words and actions to get their way or to get ahead in the world. I think we can all agree that this isn’t right. Then there’s the people who the Mean Girls walk all over. And their lives aren’t so great. I don’t know that, but I’m assuming.

The sad thing, in my eyes, is that there are a lot of people who don’t understand or see how their words trigger something in the intended target. And this doesn’t only apply to negative words but to positive words. “I hate you” has a great effect and so does “I love you”. Either phrase can change a person’s day and they might be said off the cuff. Not only is the day of the recipient of the words changed but the sayer has no idea what they have just done. Think about if you knew how every thing you said made a person feel. I think if we knew, we’d be a lot more cautious with our words. I think words are thrown about will nilly.

The reason I’m thinking about this is because I have a tendency to over-analyze a conversation or choice of words. A few posts ago I talked about how one of my consigners joked that “Bowman is where the spinsters go”. The second that he said it, I didn’t think anything about it. I thought it was a joke. He might have meant it as a joke or was maybe just making conversation, but this man should have never said that. First of all, doesn’t know if I’m married or not. Second, how does he know that I’m not tortured about being single? (I’m really not by the way) So I over-analyze things.

I just ask that people think before they speak and to build up and not tear down. It’s hard to see the good things in life through the rubble. And I think as bloggers, we understand this.

P.S. I will be talking about language for the rest of my life, on the blog and in real life. So deal with it.

Fathers

So I watched/listened to “Absent” today during work. It’s a documentary of fatherless children. If I saw right while flipping through channels on Sunday night, Oprah was talking about fatherless sons. For the past couple weeks, I’ve been thinking about how I relate to men and how my friends react to men and how men react to us. Watching this documentary broke my heart. I came from a great household. Both my parents were around, both were involved. I had a great support system from both my mother and father. I’m my dad’s little girl, I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve never had a father. I’ve known people and have friends that haven’t had fathers and I don’t think I really understand.

They were talking about how a man now is different from a man 3 or 4 generations ago. I understand that and I see that. I work at a museum and a lot of museums depend on volunteers and usually these volunteers are older. So I’ve interacted with older men and with those my own ages. Generations react differently. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it isn’t. It depends on who you are and what you think a man is. Because a man in my eyes isn’t necessarily a man in someone else’s eyes.

There were a lot of statistics throughout the documentary. Like. 71% of pregnant teens come from fatherless homes. 63% of youth suicides come from fatherless homes. Those were some of the statistics. There’s so much more that is horrible and they’ve stemmed it to not having a father. I’ve had it good, I’m not one of those statistics. I’m the fortunate one.

I had a hard time watching this. Being at work, I need to keep calm and level-headed. But this documentary has a lot of pain in it. It’s hard to keep your cool with emotionally charged words coming at you. There’s so many people who are hurting and the pain is brought on by other people.

I have been thinking about some of the people close to me and how they react with men. My best friend from high school does not have a father involved. Her, me and a friend of ours who has a mother who’s adopted were talking about parents one day at camp (in high school) and my best friend was saying she saw him once prior to this conversation and was doesn’t want much to do with him. She is not a typical kid from a one parent home. She’s got her crap together. She is graduating college on Saturday, she’s confident. She doesn’t base her life on being with a guy.

I have a former roommate and since I’ve known her, she hasn’t been without a guy. She comes from a 2 parent home and loved. But she is never without a guy. When she’s with a guy, she doesn’t necessarily change herself but she does revolve around him just a little bit more than the norm.

How can these two people be so different? Is it just how strong emotionally they are? Is it because the roommate has never had to be the responsible for her siblings and the best friend has? Is it because the roommate was sick as a kid and needs to cling on to someone?

I was going to talk about how comes to play in my life but I think that I don’t have a right to. I’m self-centered, especially on this blog. I have it easy so I won’t be talking about it. So until next time.

My Question to the Universe…..

So there’s no way I’m going to top yesterday’s post. NO. WAY. To everyone new, welcome to my life.

Here goes. This is a super long post for me today, so just bear with me here. There’s a lot of information. I just need to get this out there because it’s been bugging me today. I promise that I’ll get back to talking about literature soon but today I want to talk about something else. Actually I have a question to pose to the universe.

Why do all my awkward conversations at work stem from men? I don’t have this problem in real life. (that might be debatable since my relationship status is super single. And yes, that is Facebook official. But wait until you hear about my day.) No this is just at work. Let me tell you about it.

My town has this a.m. radio station and every Friday morning at a little after 9, they have a program called “Growing Bowman County” where they have different guests and most of the time it is our E.D.C. Director, who recently resigned due to her husband getting a better job in Wisconsin. Today, I got to go on the radio. Not a big deal, I’ve done this before. So I go in and I sit down and Wild Bill introduces me and we share the hellos and the what not. Then silence. He says nothing, just expects me to start talking. What did I do? “Well, let’s talk about that museum I work at.” That started it. This program is usually 5-10 minutes long and not a big deal, that’s about how long I got him to talk to me. It’s pretty bad when your guest feels like their the interviewer. THEN he goes, “so when is the E.D.C. director leaving?” Uh, that’s my business? He would not let this go, he kept talking about it. Then he made a comment about her that I thought was rude and he just kind of laughs it off and there I sit. Silent. End of conversation. What kind of guy does that? First I feel like I’m interviewing myself and then you ask me about someone who I don’t have a lot to do with. I don’t get it.

I’m sure it was kind of entertaining to hear this interview and then him make a joke, him laughing and an awkward silence on my end because I didn’t know how to get out of it. But still, most awkward moment of my interviewee life.

Then I get back to work. I decided that I was going to work in collections so I told my part-timer and start to leave when the phone rang and I kind of waited because it’s usually for me. Sure enough, it was a vendor who wanted to sell something to the museum store. So I answer “Hello, this is Megan. How may I help you?”

Now, being female, I don’t have a male voice. Neither, by the name, do I have a male name. So this MAN who calls to sell, hearing this, majorly turns on the charm. I get this, you probably have commission and with selling you have to have some kind of charm and sometimes flirt a little. I realize that from working retail. Anything for a sale. So here’s how this conversation went.

Well, hello there Megan, I’m (fill in the blank) from (fill in another blank) How in the heck are you this fine day?

Me: I’m fine, how are you?

Seller: Well, I’m better now that I’m talking to you……..

weird pause…….

Seller: So let me tell you about my product. I have these plastic-like bracelets. We would put the name of the museum on the bracelet. They’re like the Live Strong Bracelet from Lance Armstrong without the steroids. (Me trying not to laugh at that. Stone Faced. I can handle this.) Now here’s the regular price _____, here’s what I’m offering ______. With that extra money we’ll send you out some delicious mints. They are melt in your mouth, not in your hand…..Just like me. So I’ll send you some, how many bracelets and mints would you like?

Now let’s look at this sales pitch shall we? I know I am “magic” and can make days instantly better, that’s usually in person. Usually when you use that line, it’s usually 1980 and you have a Flock of Seagulls haircut and dress like Don Johnson and you’re hitting on a girl in a bar that plays techno music. Get a better opener. “Great, now it’s Friday”, “It’s been a great day so far, thanks for asking” are both acceptable replacements. So that made me a little hesitant about this guy because I didn’t know if he was going to sell himself to me or an actual product.

Now, the Lance Armstrong/steroids comment, I thought was kind of funny. It’s probably not funny but I did kind of snort at that and I’m silently cracking up in my head. I showed it on my face but not my voice, which in this case, mattered.

Then we got to the mints. Melt in your mouth, not your hand…..just like me.

Let that sink in…….think about it……

Now how many alternate meanings can you put to that? I came up with a few. Not all of them appropriate. Here are alternate sales pitches. “These are the best mints you have ever had, they melt in your mouth” “These are award-winning mints, I have not met anyone who hasn’t liked them.”

I partially feel like he was trying to hit on me trying to make a sale. Am I reading that right? Either way, it was awkward.

That’s just today’s awkward work/male situation. Let’s go back to last March. We had a book discussion at the museum in conjunction with the local library and the State Humanities Council. The guy who facilitated it was probably my age up to 5 years older and by the last book discussion, he was single. He comes right when I was going to leave between business hours and the discussion to get some food and he goes “Hey, business lunch, we’ll go together” That business lunch turned into feeling a lot like a date. Especially when he paid. Then we went to the library to pick up one of the librarians and then walk over to the museum for the discussion. Later on the librarian goes “He was all into the Megan, wasn’t he?” Yup, he was. He made that obvious. He made me kind of want to puke. Act professionally, keep in touch afterword, then after a while ask me out. Don’t make it obvious you like me when we’re doing business.

What is with this? I don’t feel like I have these awkward conversations in personally, so what is it about me professionally? Is it my voice? I did have a roommate once that had a hard time falling asleep without my voice because it soothed her so much. Has to be my voice that throws men off. Well, that problem solved, on to world hunger.

So I just wanted to send that out into the universe. Now it’s out, it’ll fix itself.

Stop Being Stupid Social Media

Ionia Martin, this one is for you! Because today I totally understand your frustration. Boo social media! (I know you’re just Facebook Frustrated, but I’m taking it to a whole new level.)

Here’s what happened. The paleontological master’s student that we’ve had at the museum for the past couple of summers as an intern just found out she got into a program to do her Ph.D. work. Exciting right? Yes, majorly exciting. She’s been working as long as I’ve known her toward getting into a Ph.D. program. So I’m super proud of her. I found out on Facebook and decided to give her a shout out on Facebook.

Now here’s the thing. Yes, this news is exciting. Yes, this former intern and I have mutual friends. My problem is the people who like posts about other people that they have nothing to do with. Like this guy that I have on Facebook that I barely know from back home, liked this status and he likes everything that everyone posts. He doesn’t know the former intern. Why does he care? Why is there not a place on Facebook where you have the option where you can decide if there is a like or unlike or an impartial button. Now go and like someone’s post, but don’t like everything by everyone, it’s sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying. It makes me violent, it really does.

Someone else who doesn’t know her, commented and congratulated her. Now yes, this is exciting stuff, but I don’t post on people’s walls about people I don’t know. I think it’s rude. You don’t know this person. Like if you have to but save your likes and comments for people who you are involved with on a regular basis. Is that too much to ask for? No you jerks.

So while I’m completely ranting, here’s some other things. Why do I get suggested pages? I ignore them anyway. Stop giving me ads for “fixing” my singleness. I’ll fix it myself thank you very much. Why are there ads anyway? Why does Facebook change all the time? I don’t need all these games and updates or anything. All I want is to keep in touch with family and friends. Why do I have to scroll all the way through random things that my friends “Share”? They’re just random quotes. If I want quotes, I’ll go to Pintrest and re-pin them.

That’s another thing. Pintrest, I love you. I really do. You save me when it comes to thinking up crafts for a kids event. But sometimes when I go into a certain subject, I get things that are unrelated? WHAT? Then I get doubles. Pintrest, you are smart enough to delete the doubles when I search an item. You really are.

Then there’s Twitter. Now I get Twitter. I do. But here’s my question on Twitter. When is it appropriate to use hash tags? I feel hash tags have gotten out of control. They’re everywhere. Do kids that have never known life outside social media realize that a hash tag is really a number sign? Or a sharp if you are reading music?

Another thing, get your crap together and spell correctly and try to use proper grammar. I don’t want to have to decipher your post. You don’t have to be perfect. But you is not a singular letter. Act like you received some kind of education. Really. (I could go longer and I think I may have at one time. It’s a touchy subject.)

I love, love, LOVE keeping in touch with family and friends on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, Ravelry, (if we’re going old school) MySpace, so forth and so on. But isn’t it a little excessive? Has anyone ever counted how many social media sites you can be a member of including, but this is not an exclusive list, dating sites, book sites, sites to connect you with old friends? Give me one site for each specific thing. Like combine Facebook and Twitter and give the site the best of each site. Combine all the freaking dating sites and then have sub-categories on the site for what you’re looking for. One reading site, one crafting site. This doesn’t have to be hard. Let’s organize the internet. It’s getting a little cluttered.

I really don’t have any big problems with blogging. Blogging is my happy place. People can read and like and comment and I’m okay with that because it makes blogging more fun for me. Though the spam is kind of stupid. But I can deal with that. I don’t get much spam as of yet so I shouldn’t and won’t complain. I don’t have a large following (like I’m still under 100 and I don’t think that everyone reads, but that’s okay. I forgive you) but for me that’s okay. I’m still amazed that the people who are following me ARE following and reading and liking and commenting. To me, I’m not that interesting and I post about things that are relevant to me or things that are running through my head. My writing is crap, you should all know that by now.

This may have been a little overboard and I may be reading way to much into this. But this pissed me off and I thought it was time that it was brought to people’s attention. Ionia, I am with you, whole-heartedly. (even if our frustration is a little different) Let’s go back to a social media free world!

My Top 10 Crush-worthy Fictional Characters.

So this morning I was going through posts of blogs I follow and I came upon The Librarian Who Doesn’t say Shh’s Top Ten Characters I Would Crush On if I Were a Fictional Character>. I decided to follow suit and come up with a list of my own. Now some of these men are in relationships, but I don’t care. They’re mine.

10. Joe Woodard from the Mandie Series by Lois Gladys Leppard. I know I’d be a little old for him but we’d be the same age in the book and he’s a responsible kid. He looks out for Mandie doesn’t he? I miss the days where I’d walk over to Grandma’s and borrow her copies because she had all of the books in this series. AND there’s a lot of them and I want to do the whole series one day. Because I like Joe. And Mandie. And Uncle Ned. Uncle Ned especially.

9. Roran from the Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini I always liked him more than Eragon. Eragon was kind of irresponsible. Roran always seemed to have a better head on his shoulders. But he’s taken, I might be able to take care of that. I like a mature guy. That’s why Roran is on this list.

8. Ifor Williams from Catrin in Wales by Mabel Ester Allan I haven’t talked about this book much, but I really like it. It’s a super easy book that I read at like 11 after I took it off my sister’s shelf, but a nice one to go back to. He ends up with Catrin but still. I must have a thing for guys in relationships. He has a good sense of humor, he truly loves Catrin (love that name by the way), he knows literature, and he’s hard working. Reasons to love him. Reason not to love him: he is a little hard-headed at times and gets offended?

7. Any of the guys from the O’Malley Series by Dee Henderson Why not? They’re all strong and (in my head) good-looking and in useful professions like E.M.T., a fireman and in law-enforcement. They also aren’t afraid to be gentlemen and protect their women, sisters and wives and general woman-hood. I like that.

6. John Fell from the Books of Fell by M.E. Kerr I don’t have a real good answer for this. It’s just how I see him in my mind and then every time I read the book, I’m surprised how stupid he is. It’s a complicated situation. Why do I do this? Why don’t I always remember he can be stupid. Now, he does have his smart moments but some of his dumb moments override his smart moments. AAAAARRRRGGGGG.

5. Gale from the Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins. Katniss did a good job choosing Peeta. For her I was totally Team Peeta. But someone has to pick up the pieces for Gale. I’m willing to be that person.

4. Luke from The Coincidence of Callie and Kayden He’s Kayden’s sidekick. I just seemed to like Luke better. I’d date him. Kayden has been through more but Luke has his own demons and I feel like we could understand each other. Not that my demons are any where similar to his demons. But I feel like he would know how to protect and treat a woman. Pretty sure in the next book he’s going to be the strength for both Callie and Kayden while Kayden’s dying. He’s dying if not going to completely die in the next book. Pretty sure.

3. Either of the Ians of the Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon. I love them. I’d probably love the other Murray men if there were more of them in the books. I was kind of hesitant that Ian and Rachel were going to get married but I can’t stop it. So I’m slowly learning to accept this. I just love their attitude toward life. The first meeting of old Ian in the first book is my favorite and it’s so appropriate he died at sunrise. Just saying.

2. Mr. William Darcy of Pemberley (Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen). I talked briefly about this recently. He messes up and then he realizes what he’s done and he fixes it. I like that he owns up to his mistakes and he has the money to support Lizzie for the rest of their lives. I had an argument with my sister about this and she goes “HE’S NOT REAL”. My response “I HAVE A DEGREE IN ENGLISH, OF COURSE HE’S REAL!”

1. Jamie Fraser laird of Broch Turlach (Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon) Don’t tell me this was a surprise to anyone. I only talk about him all the time. Strong, handsome, bull-headed, great protector and heck, he has a dirk. Pretty sure him having a dirk tops it off.

That’s the list as of right now, it’s subject to change. Eventually I’m sure I’ll put a list together of who I’d like to kick in the crotch. But that’s for another day.

Side note: I know it’s National Poetry Month. I haven’t talked about it because I’m not a big poetry fan. Never have and probably never will. If you can prove me wrong. Do it.